WIFE SWAP
by just wibble wobble wooble
Summary: Albus Dumbledore 'accidently' signs mrs Weasly up for a muggle reality TV programme...using the english TV programme wife swap
1. Chapter one: dumbledore at a web cafe

This is a really really random idea, but I think it might work, it is based on the English TV programme wife swap...I may make series of these if this one comes off well

Chapter 1

Albus Dumbledore had decided to go walking around muggle London a thing that most wizards would look down on. He paused at a shop, it called itself an internet café, curious he wandered in and was directed to a compuker, if he remembered his muggle studies correctly.

After sometime of tapping away happily on the keys in front of his he found himself looking at a screen that said apply for wife swap, the great new TV programme where you wives can swap families for two weeks.

Dumbledore sat there for a moment and then a smile appeared on his face, he clicked on the words that said to apply click here, he was faced with a form, and he smiled and filled it in...

**First name:** Molly

**Surname:** Weasly

**Address:** The Burrow, Ottery St Catchpole

He filled out the entire form; this could prove to be amusing.

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At the Burrow chaos reigned, Harry had come over to the Weasly household very soon after the end of term, the Durselys had decided to go on holiday to Majorca, Fleur Delacour was staying as she was engaged to Bill. Percy had returned to the house but was ignore by most of the family.

Mrs Weasly was cooking lunch, she had sent the boys up to the woods to play quidditch and was surprised when there was a knocking on the door, she walked over to it check for any possible tricks left by Fred or George then opened it.

"Oh, hello" there was woman standing, "I'm from wife swap, you applied to join the wife swap programme"

"I did?" said Mrs Weasly uncertainly, the woman took this as affirmation and pushed in through the door

"I have some forms you need to fill in"

"Alright can I get you a cup of tea?"

"No, I'm alright, now could you fill this in for me? The wife who is going to take your place will need this information"

She passed a piece of muggle parchment over to Mrs Weasly; she pulled a quill out of her apron and a bottle of ink, which after a struggle to open she used to fill in the form,

HOUSEHOLD CHORES

How often do you clean your home?

Every so often.

Who does the general cleaning around the house?

Me, do not let Arthur touch the cleaning equipment

WHO DOES THE FOLLOWING, AND HOW OFTEN?

Cleaning the bathroom?

Once a week

Cleaning the kitchen?

In the evening

Washing-up?

Does its self.

COOKING / MEALS

Who does the cooking in your house?

I do the cooking, Harry and Ginny can also cook, but don't let any of the others anywhere near the food

How often do you sit down and eat together?

All three meals, Arthur sometimes misses the children at breakfast an has lunch at work.

Where do you eat?

In the kitchen except on special occasions when we mostly eat in the garden.

When are meal times?

Breakfast is between five and eleven, lunch is at one and supper is at nine.

DAILY ROUTINE

What time do you get up?

I get up at 7am most of the time except when Arthur has to get to work early.

What do you do during the day?

I cook, garden and look after the children.

What time to the kids finish school?

Children go to a full time school.

Do you help the kids with their homework?

Yes, but I am not very good.

How do you spend your week-day evenings?

We tend to have big suppers and play games.

What time do you go to bed?

It depends, usually I go to bed at 10, but if Arthur isn't back I wait up until he has

DISCIPLINE

Who does the childcare? What does it involve?

I do most of the child care, as they are all teenagers there is not much child care.

How do you discipline the children?

When they are bad we shout at them, and make them degnome the garden

THE RELATIONSHIP

Who has the final say in family decisions?

Mostly me although Arthur also plays a part.

How do you like to be treated?

Like the woman I am, I need space and don't mind the odd joke.

HOUSE PHILOSOPHY

Please sum up the philosophy of this house and life within it.

The philosophy of this house is that the children must have privacy, but family loyalty is highly regarded.

Mrs Weasly looked up as the boys came back in, having luckily dropped off their broomsticks already

"Harry, can you read this through for me?"

"What is it?...wife swap? I saw this on TV before I left the Dursley's"

He sat down and started to read it through, checking it for things that would seem unusual for a muggle, then handed it back.

"thank you" said the woman, "you will be swapping at the end of the week"

She pranced out of the door and left

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AN:: What do you think???? Good bad, I need to know...pls reveiw


	2. chapter two: Molly's first muggle day

Chapter two

Mrs Weasly was nervous, she was going to have to swap houses with a muggle, which mean that she was going to have to act like a muggle, for those of you that do not know this is considered a worst nightmare situation for a pureblood witch or wizard.

She was standing in the kitchen waiting for a knock on the door, she had a muggle studies textbook in her bag which she hoped would keep her out of any major problems.

There it was that incessant tapping, she walked over and opened the door

"Are you ready to go?" the woman standing there asked

Mrs Weasly nodded

"is that all your luggage?" she asked

"no, I have a trunk as well"

The woman's eyes also widened, she raised an eyebrow

"A trunk?"

"only a small one" mrs Weasly picked it up and carried it over to the car, grateful that Arthur had insisted on a feather light charm, once her trunk was in the car she whistled loudly, the woman looked at her as though she was funny in the head but seemed surprised when the other occupants of the house came streaming from out of the sheds, the garden and a couple from the woods,

"Are you leaving already?" asked the tallest male

"Yes, Goodbye, I'll see you in two weeks time" she gave a brave wave and settled herself in the car...she couldn't help but notice the looks that woman was giving her, "is there something wrong?"

The woman shook her head

"No, its just...were all those children yours?"

"All but three, the red haired children are mine...do you know anything about where I am going to be going to? Or how many children there are?"

"We are going to London suburbs, guv" said the driver from the front seat

"well, that gives me a little direction to think about, I'm a bit nervous, because I have never really been to London, I mean we go once a year but apart from that...I have lived in the country all of my life..."

Mrs Weasly glared out of the window at the muggle settlement that lined the road, after a couple of hours Mrs Weasly fell asleep.

(camera person's point of view)

We stopped at the house to find that the wife has fallen asleep in the car, we tried calling her and shaking her but nothing seemed to work, then Miz, the other camera man came up with a suprising idea, he looked at the list of her children and found the youngest before saying loudly,

"Mum, Percy is picking on Ginny again"

To my immense surprise the woman jumped up and looked around wildly

"That my friend is how to wake up a mother"

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Mrs Weasly had been asleep until she heard the shout, she woke up to find the two people holding black boxes laughing together,

"We have arrived" said the first with a laugh

"Sorry, I must have dozed off..."

She stood up and brushed down her clothes, just as the woman who had been travelling with her before came out of the house and beckoned her forward, it was a prim little house with four floors and a big black door, as she walked in the woman ran ahead and led her through to the kitchen, Mrs Weasly looked around, it was incredibly neat, she could not believe that people lived in this house, curious she walked through a door that took her to a large sitting room, there were a few things made of shinny metal which Arthur would have loved to dismantle, she walked over to the stair and climbed to the next floor which was taken up by a large bedroom and bathroom, on the next floor there were two smaller bedrooms and a bathroom, and on the top floor there was a room which was filled with muggle parchment and annother of those metal lumps, she made her way back down stairs again to the kitchen where she was given a small booklet.

"This is the guide of what you are supposed to do so that you act like the wife that normally lives here" said the woman by way of explaination

Mrs Weasly picked it up and read it through carefully, after a while she took a quill and a piece of parchment writing down all the words that she didn't understand, she would look them up in her muggle studies book later.

When she had closed the book the woman was in her face again

"Would you like to meet your new family?"

Mrs Weasly nodded, moments later a smiling young man had walked in, followed by a girl of teenage years

"Hello," said the man, "My name is Dave, this is Mary she's three"

"I'm Molly" said Mrs Weasly, "I gather that I have a lot of work to do around this house"

"The main point of this week will be when we throw a dinner party"

"Then it's lucky I brought my best dress"

"it's tomorrow"

"oh, I didn't notice that in the schedule"

"it was arranged yesterday, it's just, you see my wife is a model, this dinner party is to help her career"

"Oh" said Mrs Weasly slightly hurt by the under current of his words, "I'll be thin tomorrow then"

"I didn't mean it like that" said Dave, but it was obvious that he did

"I can be thin all week if you want" said Mrs Weasly, "I was a model when I was younger as well, having eight children does do things to your figure you know"

"Eight? Poor Angela" said Dave

"How so?" asked Mrs Weasly, "she'll only have to cook for twelve each night"

"Twelve?"

Mrs Weasly shrugged, "What are we going to do for supper?"

"We normally eat out" said Dave

"I noticed that" said Mrs Weasly, they walked towards the door but Dave picked up the piece of parchment she had left beside the manual

"What is this? Manicure, Pedicure, television, microwave..." dave looked at her questioningly

Mrs Weasly shuffled slightly

"they are the things that I didn't know what they were, from the manual...we don't have any of these things I our house"

Dave stared at her even more at this

"I'll tell you at the restaurant then" he said and walked out of the door

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Mrs Weasly's first day in a muggle household

Pls reveiw


	3. Chapter three: Angela arrives at the bur...

Chapter three

Angela was slightly apprehensive as she left her house and got into the wife swap car, she could not believe that her husband had arranged a cocktail party for her job for tomorrow, it could ruin her career. She rummaged in her handbag and took out a compact and started to touch up her make up, she turned to the camera man

"Will you need a shot in the car?" she asked

"Yes," he looked down at his clipboard, "I just need to have a few words about how you feel to be going to an unknown house"

"Very well...I'm a little nervous about what the family is going to be like, but what is the worst that could happen in two weeks?" she said with her trademark smile

"Thank you very much" said the camera man

Angela smiled again and then started to file her nails

"Do you know anything about where I am going?" she asked the camera man

"It's about three hours out from London, nearest settlement Ottery St Catchpole" said the driver from the front seat.

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Three hours later the car drew up outside the Burrow

"Oh my..." said Angela, "How the hell did they get planning permission for that house, it looks like it is about to collapse at any moment" she strutted over to the door scattering chickens as she did so, she walked over to the door and yanked it open, this caused her to be covered in glitter. Having brushed herself off she stalked inside. When she reached the living room she just stopped and gaped, it was chaos, the book shelves where all at strange angles, in front of a large fireplace there was half finished game of chess around which broken pieces where lying on the ground, there was a chair that was completely taken up by a large pair of knitting needles on which a long length of fabric had already been made.

She was just about to walk into the next room when she noticed a grandfather clock, normally she wouldn't have given it a second glance but she notice that there were ten hands on the clock and no numbers, around the face of the dial she could see things such as, in their room, at school, out, at work and most surprisingly at the twelve o'clock position there was in mortal peril. Each of the ten hands on the clock had a name inscribed into it. She shook her head at the strangeness of it and walked through the door into what she supposed must be the kitchen, she felt like she had walked into a museum, an antique stove stood menacingly against the wall, a lopsided book case towered on the wall opposite it, in the middle of the room was a long scrubbed table that had obviously seen many years service, there was a sink over under the window, she walked over to the window and saw that the garden was what would normally be described as a jungle, she turned around to see the camera man behind her

"Well, this is slightly different from home" she said in a forcedly cheerful voice

she saw a staircase winding away from her up into the house, walking up this she visited various bedrooms and bathrooms, since most of them seemed to be in use she figure that this was a large family.

When she re-entered the kitchen the camera man gave her a booklet

"This is your schedule for this week"

Opening it she looked through the schedule

"I am expected to be able to cook for twelve each night" she screeched, she looked down at the booklet, "I think Harry and Ginny will be spending a lot of time in the kitchen this week" she said maliciously

"a-are you ready to meet you new family?" asked the camera man

"Of course" said Angela

The man walked out of the door, Angela saw a mirror, she walked over to it and looked at herself in it, she didn't look too bad, her sleek black hair was cut to just below her shoulders but she had had her hairdresser style it today so that it was piled on her head

"I can't say I like the style dear, but whatever floats your boat" said a voice; she spun around and saw nobody.

"Who said that?" she called out

She sat down now slightly scared, had it been a voice in her head? Then the idea came to her, in must be one of those talking mirrors you found in joke shops, the door opened behind her and she found herself staring as what seemed like a never ending stream of red haired children flowed in through the door. Once they were all standing in the room she noticed that there was one person with black hair and one with silvery hair.

The man who was obviously the father of this tribe as she found herself referring to them came forward and offered her his hand.

"Hello, I'm Arthur; the ones with red hair are my children"

A younger man with red hair stepped forward; he gave an impression of living outdoors a lot.

"Hello, I'm Charlie, I hope you enjoy it here..." 'Like hell' thought Angela

A taller man with long hair and what appeared to be a fang in his ear caught her attention

"I'm Bill, this is Fleur, she's my fiancé" Angela looked Fleur up and down, and she had to admit that this girl could definitely go into modelling if she wanted to...she was distracted from her thoughts by another boy stepping forward, he wore horn-rimmed glasses and appeared to be being shunned by the rest of the family

"Hello, I'm Percy"

Next she found herself facing a pair of twins they were dressed in different clothes but apart from that they were identical, down to the last freckle

"Hello," said one

"He's Fred" said the other

"And he's George" said Fred

"I see," said George

"That you got" said Fred

"Glittered" said George, with a laugh

"That is so cute, did you rehearse that just for me?" said Angela sarcastically

"No," said Fred

"We don't need to" said George

She just raised her eyebrow

The youngest of the boys, was talking to the black haired boy

"And who might you be?" she asked him

"Me?" He asked, "I'm Ron, this is Harry he's my friend"

"How sweet..." she said

"The only female red head then spoke up

"I'm Ginny" she said shortly

"Right, so...what happens next" asked Angela

"Well," said Arthur, "Molly cooked a welcome feast for you before she left and since it is supper time we could go and eat it" he said with a smile

Angela let out a sigh of relief she wouldn't have to cook until tomorrow morning.

They walked out of the house into the garden where two tables where sagging under the weight of food that was placed on them.

They settle down and started to eat, Angela found that she was sitting next to Harry

"So Harry how long will you be staying here?" she asked trying to start a conversation

"All summer" he said

"Wont you miss your parents?" she asked

The table fell silent, Angela coloured; the uncomfortable silence was broken by George

"Charlie, you owe me a galleon"

Charlie nodded and conversation started again

Up the table from her she heard Percy if someone would pass him the bread, looking in that direction he saw that the item in question was sitting at Fred's elbow but he made no move to pass it, she frowned but didn't say anything, she would ask him about it later.

(Later)

"Arthur" she called

"Yes Angela" he said coming out of the kitchen

"I was wondering why everyone ignores Percy"

Arthur stiffened

"All I can tell you is that he put work in front of his family and when this has proved to be the wrong thing happening he has come back to us, he betrayed the family..."

"Surely putting your work in front of your family is not so greater crime?"

"It is in this family" said Arthur, with finality; he was just about to leave when Angela called after him,

"What about Harry? I realise I put my foot right in it at supper..."

Arthur looked at Angela for a moment as though she was crazy then sighed

"I have forgotten that you would not know...Harry's parents died when he was just over one year old, his mother died protecting his life...I would not suggest you bring it up" he snapped the last part and walked away up the stairs

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this is my first fanfic...this website is really confusing...pls tell me if I'm doing this wrong

pls review

kim kotchanski I feel sorry for you, sigh they never seem to do anyone from Scotland, I was thinking of doing Malfoy and weaslys but thought I would do the easy one first, I've only ever seen one episode of wife swap but its ok cos I can look it all up on the internet, which one has been your favourite seires so far?

Girlknight I liked ur idea and tried to use it here, I mean both ur ideas...do you actually watch the wife swap thingy???? Thanks for reviewing.

Dark fairy fan I'm not sure if you are reading any more but I hope I'm not slurring the programme in any way

My friend told me I should write this lol...can you tell me anything else I should be doing...this site is new to me and kinda scary

lol


	4. chapter four: Dave and Molly's night out

Chapter four

Dave had decided to go to a French restaurant for supper that night.

Mrs Weasly was a little apprehensive about travelling in one of these due to the memorable experience in Ron's fourth year when they had all had to travel by taxer or whatever they were called, once they were inside Mary started to jump around until Dave pulled her onto his knee.

"She takes after her mother, she's going to be a model when she's older" he said with a laugh

Molly looked the child over...in the wizarding world she would probably have become a mediwitch,

"I think she will be a healer when she is older" said Molly

"A what?" asked Dave

Molly rummaged through her bag and pulled out her muggle studies book and after flicking through the first five pages she looked up

"Sorry a doctor" she said with a smile, "or perhaps a spy" she said after a glance down at the page"

"Well what is not your concern" he said

The taxi drew to a halt and Dave gave the driver a fistful of money

The restaurant was incredibly fancy and looked to Mrs Weasly as though half of it was missing.

Once they had sat down at the table and ordered their food Dave pulled out the piece of parchment

"So you claim not to know what all these things are" he said

Molly nodded

"Well, lets see microwave, they have been on the syllabus for the last thirty years...you cant tell me that you have never been taught the electromagnetic spectrum" he obviously saw that Mrs Weasly was still at a loss

"Very well, a microwave is an oven, a pedicure is a beauty treatment for your feet..." he would obviously have continued in this obnoxious manner if Mrs Weasly had not interrupted,

"I wouldn't want you to have to strain yourself by explaining all these things to me...I'll just learn as I go" she picked up the menu and decided on steak, she didn't like the look that passed over Dave's face when she said this, "do you have a problem with that?" she asked tartly

"Why did you order the cheapest thing on the menu?" he asked her

"Habit I guess," She said without looking up, "Tell me to my face do you have a problem with my weight?"

"Of course I don't, what ever gave you that idea Molly" unfortunately for Dave Mary chose this exact moment to point at Molly and ask in a loud childish voice

"Papa, why is there a fat woman sitting at our table? Where is Mama?"

Molly raised an eyebrow at Dave, who squirmed under her scrutiny

"Mary," he said, "this fat woman is going to be your mama for two weeks"

Mrs Weasly was now simmering and was glaring at Dave...if she had been a basilisk Dave would have been dead,

"I do not like the name fat woman, I have one and you will be so kind as to use it..." she said loudly causing the entire restaurant to stare at them.

Dave looked ready to hit her

"Molly, do not bring attention to yourself like that" he hissed

"What is your problem?" she asked a little less loudly, "Do you have a problem with fat people?"

"No only with the ones that to nothing to help themselves"

"What are you trying to say?" she asked in a dangerous voice

"What I mean is if you are fat you should go on a diet"

"How dare you" said Mrs Weasly, she made to stand up from the table, "as I am not welcome here I will return to your house"

"Molly, don't go" Dave looked over his shoulders, "I won't mention your weight again"

She reluctantly settled back into her seat.

The food came fairly quickly, out of habit Mrs Weasly did a few detection spells on the steak and found that it was almost raw; she frowned and poked it discreetly with her wand cooking it to a more healthy state.

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A few hours later they returned to Dave's house, Mary was asleep.

Once Dave had put her to bed they decided that it was also bed time for the adults.

Once in her bedroom Mrs Weasly had just finished changing into her nightshirt when an owl tapped on the window, after several futile attempts to open the window Mrs Weasly smashed one of the window panes allowing Pig to fly in. after several minutes of desperately trying to catch the tiny hyperactive owl she finally succeeded for the mere three seconds it took to remove the letter from its leg,

'Dear Molly,

I hope you are coping, how are you settling in? The woman who has come here in you stead is a little wisp of a thing, a snidget could knock her over. She is also quite nosy, wanted to knock why we ignored Percy, she also asked Harry when he would be returning to his parent's house, and honestly it makes Fudge look tactful

Missing you

Arthur'

Mrs Weasly rummaged in her bag for a quill and piece of parchment, once she had written a letter she summoned Pig to her and gave him the letter, and then settled down in the bed, not especially looking forward tomorrow

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Short? Yes Good? No

That's my opinion...whats yours?

Pls review


	5. Chapter five: morning time in the Burrow

Chapter five

Angela was started from her sleep by a crowing cockerel, she sighed and rolled out of bed and slipped her slippers on, she crept down to the kitchen.

"Hello Angela" said a voice from the kitchen table, it was Harry

"Hello Harry, you wouldn't happen to know what time it is would you?"

"About seven o'clock, Mr Wealsy doesn't have to go to work to day, but he'll be in the garage all day probably, would you like me to give you a tour of the kitchen, I understand that it may be a little strange for you...its quite old fashioned"

Glumly Angela followed Harry around the kitchen

"I've set the toast up for you already, I couple of dozen sausages will need to be cooked and a bit of scrambled egg, would you like me to do it for today, your new to this type of kitchen"

Angela allowed herself a smile; she already had Harry doing the cooking for her

"You could keep an eye on the toast for me" said Harry, "it's in front of the fire"

Angela walked over and found to her amazement that the bread was neatly lined up against the fire on a long rack

"What am I supposed to do?"

"turn them over when they start going brown" said Harry patiently as he turned the sausages and started to beat the batter for pancakes, Angela picked up the tongs and started trying to turn the bread over, eventually she had done the entire row and was just about to flop down in a chair when Harry asked her to lay the table indicating the doors and drawers from which she should retrieve the things that would be necessary for this exercise. When she had finished this she glared at Harry's back but was cut short in this exercise by footsteps trampling down the stairs.

Harry directed Angela to collect the toast as he put the other food on the table

"Harry, what are you doing?" exclaimed one of the red headed males, "you should not be cooking, that's mum's job"

"Ron, I decided to help Angela because she probably wouldn't have know where to start in this kitchen"

The red haired child just nodded and they sat down at the table

After this a regular stream of red haired people came down the stairs eventually the table was full of people talking, when they were half-way through the meal an owl flew in and landed by Arthur's plate, Angela was about to shriek but was surprised to see that all Arthur did was remove a note from the bird's leg and give it a piece of his bacon rind, the arrival of this bird caused a silence on the table, broken by the odd call such as

"Is it from Mum?"

Or

"Pig, leave dada alone"

Or

"Read it out loud"

Arthur complied

"Dear Arthur,

the house in which I am staying is very nice but I am having a few problems the muggle studies book doesn't mention what a manicure or a pedicure are, I need to know for today because I am supposed to be doing them.

The husband of the family has a problem with my weight...he's always hinting at it and suggesting that I eat healthier food, I'm not sure if I will be able to cope with another two weeks of this humiliation, it seems that there are people to do everything in this house, don't have to cook or clean or anything like that, there is a dinner party tomorrow night and I think that this man might lock me up in my room all night just because I am fat.

Missing you and the children already, remind Fred and George that Angela is not to be used as a subject for pranks, from what Dave has said Angela doesn't know how to cook, don't let her force Harry to do it, you know how malleable he is to other people's distress.

Missing you

Much love

Molly"

"Is that normal" asked Angela, "I mean for this family receiving mail by owl?"

"Yes, I don't think the postman knows where our house is" said Mr Wealsy, "Your husband sounds as though he is being very tolerant of my wife" this was said in a colder tone

"I can't help how my husband behaves can I?" By looks on the faces of everyone sitting at the table she evidently should be. After ten minutes of isolation with everyone talking amongst themselves she got up and having placed her dish in the sink she decided to take a shower.

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When Angela had left the entire family started to talk about her,

"That woman" seethed Ron, "I came down here this morning to find Harry doing the cooking"

"She burnt ze toast too" said Fleur

Ginny walked over to the sink and gave it a poke which made the washing up start doing itself,

"She hasn't scraped her plate either" complained Ginny from her current position

"Well, I have an order meeting to attend this morning..." said Mr Wealsy, he then winked conspiritally at them, "Why don't you let Angela clear up the kitchen?" he walked over to the fireplace and flooed out.

"Any one feel up to trip up to the paddock" asked Charlie with a wicked smile in his eyes

There was general chorus of yes from everyone

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Angela came back downstairs after her shower to find all of the food and plates were all still on the table, she looked around and saw the camera man was watching her so she threw a small tantrum for the camera, the took the plates to the sink and tried to wash them up couldn't find any soap or cloth, she noticed something in front her that looked like a very old fashioned radio, she flicked the switch

"good morning and welcome to the witching hour...today we will be playing the latest hits from the weird sisters and the smash hit from the Mer trio, Davvy Jones is back from his locker...which we will play for you now...enjoy..."

Angela looked at the radio apprehensive as a peculiar tune started up

'Davvy Jones is back from his locker...

he's gotta little gift for you...

Davvy Jones is back from his locker...

And he's going to find you a new wand...

A better one...

The one you've been waiting for...

No stick of wood...

No ladies, he's got something better for you...'

Angela hit the off switch to stop the suggestive song, and started to dip the dishes into the hot water that was sitting in the sink

"Now, now dear," said a voice from behind her, "do the job properly"

Angela jumped and spun around, then once she was certain there was nobody in the room she turned back to the sink, slightly shaken...once she had finished 'washing' the dishes, she found herself wondering where the rest of the family was, on a whim she decided to look at the clock she remembered seeing when she looked around yesterday, the Arthur hand was now resting on 'wouldn't you like to know' Molly's hand resting on away, all the rest were 'in the paddock' she turned to the camera man

"You wouldn't mind telling me how to get to the paddock would you?"

The man looked like he was about to say no, but nodded and started to lead her into the woods...

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Shadowfax96, Yokai, Cesia and Chi – thank you

Sou85a- I'm school which sucks cos I can't watch it...its on tonight some time!

Artemis- your chapter is served would you like pepper with it? Sorry randomo mood

Kim Kotchanski- I only ever got to watch the second 1 and the third 1

Lol

Just wibble wooble wooble


	6. CHapter six: Molly's muggle morning

Chapter six

Molly jumped out of her bed as she heard movement below her, surely no one would be up before her, maybe Harry had had another nightmare, she blinked and looked around, this was not her room, for a moment she was seized by the terror that Voldemort had somehow kidnapped her. She looked around and assured herself that what ever else the dark lord might do he would not put her in a room with flowery wall paper, then she remembered the wife swap thing, then she groaned remembering the absolute humiliation that had been granted to her by Dave the previous night, she then remembered that Dave was having a drinks party tonight, she stalked over to her trunk and after rummaging through it for several minutes she found the slimmest of the slim potion she had left over from her Hogwarts days, having taken the appropriate measures of the said potion she dressed and headed downstairs.

She looked into the dining room which was below her bedroom and found herself looking at a completely strange woman,

"Umm…Hello" she said suddenly wondering what the time was as the woman started and stared at her

"Good Morning, Ma'am" said the strange woman, " can I help you? You are up a bit early"

Molly backed away slightly nervous of the woman's disapproving tone

"S-sorry, I have a lot of children, I wake up at the slightest noise…" she said wondering what she should do

"Oh, sorry…I didn't mean to wake you up…"

"Don't worry dear" said Mrs Weasly, "it isn't your fault that my sons enjoy playing practical jokes, who are you?" she asked

"I'm Ann Herdtom, I am the maid here…I suppose you are the wife from wife swap"

Mrs Weasly nodded, then said

"I don't suppose you could explain the kitchen to me?" Ann gave her a funny look, "I don't know what anything is" said Mrs Weasly despairingly

"I suppose I could give you a few moments of my time" said Ann primly, "but I have to do this room as well…"

"What needs doing?" asked Mrs Weasly curious

"I need to dust, polish, hoover…"

"Hoover?"

"you don't know what a hoover is?"

"no…tell me the most old fashioned thing that was used for the purpose of a hoover" said Mrs Weasly

"a brush?"

"oh…strange hings you muggles come up with…what time is it?"

"Five o'clock in the morning" said Ann with a small smile

"and when does his royal highess come down?"

"about eight at the earliest" said Ann

"Well then" said Mrs Weasly decisively, "can I ask you a favour?"

"What?" asked Ann

"could you make me a cup of tea…and help me with a few things?"

Ann looked as though she wanted to argue but walked in the direction of the kitchen. Once Mrs Weasly was certain that Ann wasn't coming back soon she started to enchant the household equipment to clean the room and conjoured a broom to do the what had Ann called it the hovering


	7. chapter seven: angela 'cooks' lunch

Chapter seven

Angela and the camera man had been walking through the woods for a while when they heard screams and shouts ahead,

"Whoa…Watch out…yikes that was not funny…what have you don't to my broom…kill you Fred…it was George…I'll kill the both you, come here…"

They walked into the clearing and found their was nobody there, the ground was bare

"Oh Merlin…that is it…"

Angela looked up and screamed, the camera man brought his camera up to film the children as they sped through the air on what appeared to be broomsticks, unfortunately at Angela's scream they all came to a halt…almost all one red blur kept on going muttering about bad brakes,

"What in Merlin's name are you doing here?" yelled Ron

"What the hell are you doing up there?" called Angela, "come down here this instant"

"Why should ve vant to do thiz?" asked the silver haired Fleur lazily

Angela was wondering what the hell she had let herself in for this must be a stunt of some sort there must be a reasonable explanation for it

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"Fleur can you do memory charms?" asked George

"Yes of course" replied the part veela

"Then get down there and do the job on her and the cambo man" said Fred

"Its camera" said Hermione and Harry at the same time

"Whatever" said Ron

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On the ground Angela was starting to feel a little worried about what the children were talking about, suddenly the silver haired girl flew down and stood in front of them, she place a finger on each of their foreheads, Angela suddenly found herself standing in front of the sink, she couldn't remember what she was doing before, she shrugged and walked over to the manual

'Cook lunch, Arthur should be home soon'

how on earth was she supposed to cook lunch, she couldn't even cook a boiled egg, where was a microwave when you needed one, she walked over to the bookshelf, 'witch weekly's cookery guide', 'love Lockhart's cookery', She gingerly picked up one of them and opened it to the preface

"I hope that all you witches are ready to whip up these meals wands are imperative for all recipes, squibs are advised to buy the magically disabled person's guide to fantastic cooking…"

at least she supposed that's what she thought it said, she might have reads it wrong the type was very curly and there were many blotches on the paper, she closed the book and returned it to the shelf, after a fairly long hunt she found a place that looked like a Victorian pantry, from here she found an old ham, some bread and a few apples, she placed these on the table with a jug of water. After another lengthily search she found the knives and forks and laid the table for ten. She shied from the idea of looking for the plates and reused the breakfast ones.

Somewhere in the house a grandfather clock struck one and all of the children poured into the kitchen,

"Merlin" exclaimed Ron, "What a _fine_ spread!"

"Little bro I have to agree that…" started one of the twins

"The spread is most spectacular" completed the other

"We have not feasted so well…"

"Since…"

"Since when Mr and Mrs Weasly were both at a meeting and Ginny was in a bad mood with you!" said Harry, "I think that was before I arrived this summer…"

"Ah! Angela" exclaimed Arthur from the door, "it looks as though you have put a lot of effort into cooking this food but, you have forgotten…"

"Butter…" said Fred

"And veggies" said George

"And Pumpkin juice" said Bill

"And salad" said Fleur

"And cheese" said Charlie

"And chocolate frogs" said Ron causing everyone to stare

"But that doesn't matter does it" said Mr Weasly with a smile, he sat down and helped himself to an apple a slice of bread and then started to carve the ham giving each person two slices, they sat down to their places,

"So, um, where do you go to school?" Angela made a stab at conversation

"A full time school in Scotland?" replied Harry

"Do you like it there?" she ventured another question

"It's really a very good school" said Ginny who was sitting next to Harry

"Ah moi" said Fleur, "zis plate iz not clean!"

The table fell into silence

"How did you meeting go? Dad" asked Fred

"Badly" said Mr Weasly bluntly, "Snape is coming over tomorrow"

"What for?" asked Ron apparently appalled

"He is going to be giving Harry lessons…" replied Mr Weasly, "Though no one seems to know why in Merlin's name this might be necessary…"

"You mean Dumbledore has told you all?" asked Harry incredulous

"About what?" asked Mr Weasly impatiently

"Not in front of a muggle" said Harry

"Why couldn't you talk about something like this when I am here?" asked Angela

"Because there is a man who wants to know what I know" said Harry, "he has eyes everywhere, if he knows that you know what I know then he will kidnap you and get the information from you…is that a good enough excuse" his voice was deadly quiet

Angela was shocked to say the least, her life was in danger, by the sounds of things she was in the household of people who were sheltering someone who was wanted by the mafia.

"Harry don't frighten the poor woman" said Ron, "She doesn't know, she might think…" he started to whisper to Harry.

"Sorry Angela, I didn't mean to scare you…I lost someone close to me before the end of the summer term"

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AN- Hello everyone…realised I hadn't set this thought six year summer is a good time, Harry seemed to be used to hiding his emotions slightly that's why most of the people haven't noticed…I was wondering how bad a summer this summer should be…DE attacks or not????

Pls review this most unworthy person


	8. Chapter eight: Molly gets the works

Chapter Seven

Molly and Ann had been sitting in the kitchen for a while when Dave came down,

"What do you think you are doing woman? I employ you to work not to gas to my guests" he shouted at the maid, "Get back to work"

Ann scurried out of the room

"That wasn't very nice" said Mrs Weasly as Dave walked around flicking switches and grumbling

"The way I treat my servant is not your concern" growled Dave, "you are supposed to be seeing a different type of lifestyle aren't you?"

"I really don't know" admitted Mrs Weasly, "by the way, is this any better?"

"God woman were you wearing a fat suit yesterday?" yelped Dave

"No" said Mrs Weasly, "a Muggle like you wouldn't understand what I did…oh…sorry I need to go and do something" she rushed out of the door along to the dining room where she found Ann staring at the locked door

"The key was on the inside" Ann muttered to Mrs Weasly

"Right then" said Mrs Weasly cheerfully, "this shouldn't be too hard then, stand back and let me in at it"

Mrs Weasly carefully drew out her wand and with a string of muttered words to stop the cleaning implements from cleaning the room and to make the broom disappear and finally to open the door

"Now, lets see if that worked" said Mrs Weasly pushing at the door, which kindly opened for her

"Lours" said Ann, "what happened, this room was filthy"

"You evidently had a very helpful and friendly ghost"

"That is about as likely as you being a witch…the whole place has been cleaned, I had better…"

"Come and have breakfast with us" said Mrs Weasly brightly

"No the master would never have any of that, lets see, it is now nine o'clock, you beauty manager will be coming here to take you to the spa at ten"

Mrs Weasly stared at Ann

"The mistress of this house is a model"

Mrs Weasly merely felt more worried

"After that you will be going to the designer who will put you in a dress then you will go to the hair dresser then the makeup artist and once all this is finished you will return here just in time for the cocktail party"

Mrs Wealsy's eyes were now popping out of her head, suddenly at the window there was a speck of normalness, Pig was flapping at the window

"Umm…Ann, that is my son's owl, is there anyway of opening that window?"

"Yes marm" Ann walked over to window and after a little fiddling with the lock pig flew in, luckily Mrs Weasly was able to catch him before he smashed anything expensive

"Could you hold him for a second dear?" said Mrs Weasly as she struggled to remove the letter from the owl's leg.

"Molly dearest,

I hope you are well, don't let Dave get you down, things are going alright here, Angela has cooked a fantastic breakfast but unfortunately had to use Harry to cook it and forgot to do the washing up, I am going to a meeting

Missing you a hell of a lot

Arthur and all the rest of us"

"It is from my husband" said Mrs Weasly, turning to ensure that Ann was fine with Pig "can you hold him whilst I write a reply"

"Yes, he is really cute"

"His name is Pig" said Mrs Weasly, "short for Pigwidgeon"

"Right"

Mrs Weasly quickly scribbled a note and tied it to Pigs leg

"What do I do now?" asked Ann

"Throw him out of the window" said Mrs Weasly

"Right" Ann stood by the window and dropped Pig out onto the sill, "How long did it take your son to train him?"

"Pig, trained?" said Mrs Weasly, "No Pig is a wild owl that someone gave Ron…"

"Oh!" said Ann shortly

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Ten o'clock found Mrs Weasly being driven to a beauty spa a chatty beauty attendant talking to her the entire way, by the time Mrs Weasly had arrived at the spa she was dreading it.

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Mrs Weasly felt this was utterly crazy, so far she had been pummelled and bruised by some young woman who had called herself a masseuse, or something similar, now she was going to the mud baths, she had just enter the room when,

"Molly Weasly, I didn't know you had enough money to be able to afford this type of luxury, have you sold one of your children" Molly's back went stiff as she turned around to face Narcissa Malfoy

"Mrs Malfoy, I wouldn't have expected to find you in a muggle beauty centre" spat Mrs Weasly, "what would your master say?"

"Oh, he'll never know, besides, all these raids are awful on the skin" said Mrs Malfoy conversationally, "I believe your family comes quite near to the top of his list"

"How dare you even think to threaten my family" roared Mrs Weasly

"Oh, you should seen the plans Draco has drawn up for little Virginia when she is captured" drawled Malfoy

This was too much for Mrs Weasly she launched herself on Mrs Malfoy and started to attack her with teeth and claws as she became her animagus form, a wild cat, with orange fur, suddenly Mrs Weasly remembered that there were muggles present, she returned to human and after delivering a mighty punch to Mrs Malfoy's face returned to her attendant

"I think I will skip the mud bath if you don't mind" said Mrs Weasly calmly to the trembling attendant

"I'm going mad aren't I?" said the poor girl, "I just thought you turned into a cat and slashed that other lady to bits"

"Really, now that is strange" said Mrs Weasly as they walked along the corridor

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After that had come the dress…Mrs Weasly eventually found herself conjuring a dress behind the designer's back, well in the cubicle

"How about this one?" called Mrs Weasly as she exited the dressing room in her dress, it was midnight blue silk with flowers stitched in silver on the bodice, it was strapless but the bodice did up like a corset.

When she came out the designer took off her glasses

"Is that one of mine?"

"I think so" said Mrs Weasly, "I mean you did pass it to me"

The designer shook her head, "well it does suit you, it isn't exactly in at the moment, but I doubt we will find anything else to suit you, did it come with accessories, necklace, shoes…"

"Umm…yes…" said Mrs Weasly from the cubicle as she frantically transfigured a pair of hair pins into kid leather slippers, "there are a pair of shoes, no necklace"

"No necklace? There must be…"

"It looks alright without one" said Mrs Weasly

"I suppose so" muttered the distracted designer, "I really don't recognise that dress"

Mrs Weasly shifted guiltily

"Actually I made it myself" admitted Mrs Weasly

"You are designer?" frowned the woman

"Merlin no, I just had this fabric in the house, I was bored and decided to make this dress" lied Mrs Weasly

"Well you have made it very well…now you will need to go to your hairdresser"

Mrs Weasly gingerly patted her hair

"I haven't changed my hair style since I had my last child"

"When was that?"

"Fourteen and a half years ago"

"How many children do you have?"

"Seven"

"You can't be that old"

"Why ever not?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel"

"No dear, it's alright…I'm flattered"

Mrs Wealsy walked out to the car, which took her around the hair dresser

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When she entered the hairdresser, she found herself approached by a woman with her hair in a stylish bun.

"So you are the woman who did the swap with Angela"

"Yes…I haven't changed my hairstyle since my last child was born"

"You mean you have worn your hair in this type of bun…"

"For the last fourteen and a half years of my life"

"Well first thing is to undo this bun" the attendant was about to reach for the hair pins when Mrs Weasly stopped her

"Wait a moment, I'll take them out…there's a knack to it, or else they will bite off your fingers…fairly drastic but the twins enjoyed taking my hairpins out too much" Mrs Weasly flicked out all twenty seven pins avoiding the mousetrap like contraptions in the end of them, "if possible not to have my hair cut" said Mrs Weasly as she held the bun in her hand, "you may want to step back" Mrs Weasly let go of the deceptively small bun which cascaded down her back and spread to cover most of the floor around her in small coils,

"I wore it in a plait until it was too long to not run along the ground, then I used to keep it in braids, coiled around my head, by the time I had seven children this took too long, so I just put it in a bun, you can see why" said Mrs Weasly glancing at the hair flooded floor around her.

"So what do we want to too with it?" asked the flustered hairdresser

"I can plait it up" said Mrs Weasly, "just draw how I should set them, and I will do the rest"

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one hour later, 55 minutes of which was spent by the hairdresser trying to design a style for Mrs Wealsy's hair

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The make up artist was the only person who Mrs Weasly visited and left completely unflustered, little did the make up artist know that Mrs Weasly magically removed the entire make up and made herself up again with magical make up.

Then she was on her way to the dinner party…and she was almost dreading it

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